the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
