you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
