Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my being single is dangerous.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
