Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
