this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
