it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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