Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
