last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
