my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
