it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize