If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Success! We fucked roommates!
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