I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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