the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
