some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
