I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
