hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
