1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
