apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
