It's just like the Real World with babies
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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