Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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