just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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