I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
