Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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