Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
