Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
