Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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