Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
