The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
