At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
