I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I forget how to act sober
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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