Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
