I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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