I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
