Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
