I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
