Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
