I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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