Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
