Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
