i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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