You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
