Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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