I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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