I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
