dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
