I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
