So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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