I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
