I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
