First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
