LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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