Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
