You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were destined to go to rehab together
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
