everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
