I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
