Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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