just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
