we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
