I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
