I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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