arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
