She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
