I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
