theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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