i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
