we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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