Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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