here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
