They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
