Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
