i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize