I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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