I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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