Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if only i could text you this smell
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
